Water Shortages - A Press Statement

There now follows a statement from Thames Water And Treatments (T.W.A.T.) plc. :

"On behalf of the T.W.A.T. directors I would like to confirm press reports that we do indeed have water shortages and that a hosepipe ban is very likely. The water shortage has been a result of a lack of 'The right kind of rain' due to Global Warming. We must stress that in no way was this water shortage down to our glaring incompetence and lack of investment in new drainage systems.
Although the drainage systems may have been damaged by the 'Wrong kind of rain' that caused flooding over the summer of last year. (This flooding was of course due to global warming).
There has been very little rainfall whatsover over the winter months and much of our piping network was put under immense strain by the record snow fall (This was of course due to err... global warming - is that right?).
We apologise blah, blah, blah.
Reduce water consumption blah, blah, blah.
Well it's not like you're paying for it blah, blah, blah. (Ha I just said 'well', geddit?)
Record profits a coincidence blah, blah, blah.
Bonuses for the directors blah, blah, blah."